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yeeyin's spaceDecember 30 MY CHOICE CAN'T YOU LET ME CHOOSE MY WAY????????
Yes,i have got KPLI offer, does this means that i have to choose that definitely? can't i decide the life i want?
i have been so tired, listening PATIENTLY on all your naggings....... (HAUNT ME DAYS AND NIGHTS.......). Yes, i know i know, i know u want to express that i will have easier life and can take care of my children if i become a teacher. I will have luxurious free time to do whatver i want. But, do you ever think what i want and how i feel?
Yes, there are tonnes of people outside in the world (should be Malaysia only) 'hunting' and 'eagering' for this opportunity, but it does not mean this suites me the most, and it does not mean that i MUST choose this , right? There is no theory saying that 'if you do not become a teacher, you will die....(of hunger, of busy life, of cannot take care of your children, of no time for hobbies etc'.) (Who has this theory, please comment in my blog!)
OK, when i was young, you said you let me decide and will respect my decision. But, ended up you have mercilessly denied my choice and forced me to follow yours. Fine, that decision needs a lot of money and i have got no choice. So, i have ended up become a follower, never have the bravery to choose my path, to make mistakes and to rise again.......i can still feel the disappointment and sorrow in me years ago. Of course, i will never know what will happen if i take the other way?
You said, the economic out there is so bad, yes, i do agree. You said, i am childish to reject the opportunity, sorry, you can think whatever you want. I am totally not prepared and i do not want to regret later. If i have again chosen the way you want me to choose, what if one day i am not happy and regretted the choice, can i blaim you? Or can i reverse to choose again? NO, I CANT!! And who is going to pay for that? ME, NOT YOU!! Moreover, what if i am not happy and affected the children? Who is going to be responsible? I DO NOT WANT MYSELF TO BECOME AN IRRESPONSIBLE TEACHER!!!
In a nutshell, you can be disappointed and angry (or whatever you are feeling now) because i am not that obedient anymore, but PLEASE do RESPECT me and RESPECT my DECISION. What you think might be more than correct, but can i decide something for myself?
Even if i have a difficult life later on, i will never regret cos this is my decision. I trust that God has blessd me with everything (or abundance) to survive and to live happily, i just need to be tough and brave to walk down the route, and believe that He will guide me through.......... My Christmas PresentsChristmas Present from Su, very nice hand-made angel and a box with sweets and stars. she had been so kind to hand-made all these presents for every single choir members (we got more than hundred people ler.....)
And this is from Bin Bin, given to me one day before she left. Bin, missed you and wish you all the best in US.
December 24 Music Camp 2008：Beethoven 9thProgramme:
Ludwig van Beethoven
Symphonie Nr. 9 d-moll op. 125 "An die Freude"
Lyric by Friedrich Schiller (1759 - 1805) I. Allegro ma non troppo, un poco maestoso
II. Molto vivace
III. Adagio molto e cantabile
IV. Finale
我只想说，今晚的演出触动了我心灵的最深处。好久好久已没那么感动过了。。。。最后部分音乐响起时，泪水已在眼眶打滚，嗯，我忍下了。我以为那份感动就此挥之而去，怎知我独自在车的那一刻，串串的泪还是伴着那份感动簌簌而下了。。。
谢谢你们，我们的指导老师和我合唱的伙伴们，谢谢你们的努力和真挚的歌声，唤回我以为我只能在梦里才能再次感受到的感动。
This is our concert's ticket, cool right? This is our lovely Martin, looked serious and concentrate on thinking ways to teach us.......
Lovely Martin and me..... missed him so much after the concert.....
(From Left) Hooi Lay, Dr. Martin, Jin Yin and me. Really enjoyed the music camp with these people, and longing for the choir practice again....... Chamber Choir Members.......with Dr Martin
Chamber Choir Members.......with Dr Martin December 11 11.12.08 I would have to admit today is not my day. I have been facing so much problem with that delivery. Of course, I have accidentally made a mistake and the lorry has went out, and hence I need to do something extra to rescue the situation. Until 6 something, I am still stressfully working the way out.
I am so sorry that I am late, 1 hour later than the time I promised. But, shouldn't I get everything done before I left? Moreover, I will be on leave tmr? What do you expect me to do? Left everything and let others whom do not know what actually happened to follow up? Or prepare to received loads of phone calls tmr?
I am actually disappointed that you can't compromise the situation. Who does not want to finish up the job before the working hour ends, and take off sharp at 5.30pm? I truly regretted the promise I gave and I shall not gave another one ANYMORE.
to you:
Thanks for being supportive, positive, helpful and humourous. At least it helps to release most of my stress. Thank God for providing you as my workmate and friend.
November 14 14.11.08Today after meeting, you have said something. Are you trying to give some hints to her after what i have told you yesterday? If yes, thanks. But i think she has not get the hint, cos she needs a person to talk to and confess and release her stress more. And so happened that we are not talking about job but life that time. and this is a good chance for her.
Haiz....i wouldn't want to be like you one day yoou know, but i admit sometimes i really can't stop myself from working late. There are too much to do, if i don't get it done today, it's still the nightmare for the following day. What to do?
God, please help me. I have already do my best, please guide me for the rest. |
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